this may be the entry i've been most looking forward to writing all tour. you'll see why in a few short minutes...
portland was a pretty sweet city. cool bar called veritable quandary on sw 1st and madison. went there wednesday night after the show, and the head carpenter, martin, ordered rabbit pate over toasted brioche. it looked super tasty and after i had a bite of his, i was sold. i instantly ordered my own - i've never had rabbit, but it looks as though i'll be having more as time goes by.
thursday night, dave romich and i went out for a night on the town (read: everyone else flaked on us). but we were determined to go hear mel brown. turns out he was the drummer for the temptations and diana ross back in the day and now has his own quintet that plays regularly in portland at jimmy mak's. that bar was probably a half-hour walk from the theatre, but it was totally worth it. we got there at about 11:10, and they ended their last set at around 11:30, but the 20 minutes of music we did hear were pretty sweet. there was no piano but instead, a hammond b-3 organ! i've only ever heard a hammond in a church, so it was quite intriguing to hear it used in a jazz setting. unfortunately, the bar closed at midnight, so we ended up on the hunt for another spot. downtown portland was pretty dead for a thursday night, but the bar next to our hotel was going strong until 2:30. as it turns out, paddy's has been voted the 8th-best irish bar in the country. well, we met some townies there that were quite hammered and quite vocal. their main topic of conversation centered around the likelihood of being able to do a line of blow off a stripper's asshole. yeah, real classy, portland.
friday's boot camp was only slightly less excruciating, only because we were in the pool. water aerobics still kicked my ass, although this time i had a better idea of what nikki would throw at us. now i could tell that nikki is an awesome personal trainer and that she is in great shape (her abs are perfect - they look as if they're painted on), but i really had no idea. i learned that she is a former national spokesperson for bally's! she used to be on several of their commercials and everything. no wonder she knows exactly what she's doing.
ok, on to the exciting part of the post. jeremy tchou (harvard '08) now lives in portland, and the two of us took a few classes together when i was a senior and he was a sophomore. he actually came to see the show twice (fri and sun nights), but the real fun happened after the show on friday. some of his co-workers had recommended a bar to him called dixie, but he had never been. so we checked it out - it was only a block or two north of voodoo doughnut. i instantly knew i would like the place as soon as we walked in and noticed several dozen bras dangling from the ceiling. wonder what those girls had to do to get those up there...? every few songs or so, the dj would announce that it was time for some girls to dance on the bar - either the professional bartenders or the drunk wanna-bes. well, the highlight of the night would come at around, oh, 1:30am - after i've already had a few. their huge tv screens cycled through the same series of ads - from thursday night being ladies night to future cinco de mayo specials. one of the frames advertised a hurricane katrina shot. both jeremy and i found that intriguing and walked over to the nearest bar to get a pair. chelsey tells us that she can't do two at a time. puzzled but not deterred, jeremy defers to me. chelsey says that i have to go down to the other end of the bar for the shot. and still brings two shot glasses, further adding to my confusion. now, the next string of events happened in a blur - had to have been 10 seconds or less. she jumps up on the bar, walks over to me, gets down on her knees, sits back on her legs and forcibly grabs my hands and puts them under her knees. my instant reaction is that i'm totally gonna get titties in the face. which would have been awesome. especially since she had nice ones and was showing them off. what happened next was even better than i had hoped. she takes my glasses off and hands them to jeremy.
chelsey: how're you feeling?
me: great!
chelsey: ever had this shot before?
me: nope.
chelsey: are you sensitive to pain?
me: no...
the instant i say no, the first shot goes directly into my face. water. and then before i knew what was going on, i had done a complete 180. she slapped THE FUCK out of me. the hardest i've probably been hit in my entire life. left ear ringing. completely spun around, since my hands were trapped under her. now, i've never cheated on a girlfriend before, but that slap felt like a "we've been married for 12 years, and i just walked in on you nailing my sister" kind of slap. i'm stunned senseless, when chelsey grabs my face and throws a shot of jager down my throat. ladies and gentlemen. the hurricane katrina shot. and i loved it. the shot cost 5 bucks, but i gave her 10. it gave me a rush that i've never ever experienced before. i totally understood the symbolism (water = flooding/drowning; bitch slap = the city of new orleans being slapped in the face by FEMA and the government), i got it. but boy, was i not expecting that. chelsey told us that all the dixie bartenders, who are female, are trained upon hire to perform that shot when asked. and here's the kicker - they slap the girls as hard as they do the guys. equal opportunity all around - gotta love it. needless to say, jeremy did not take the shot after seeing me get facially annihilated. i've had to tell this story multiple times to the cast and crew over the past few days. the best response i've gotten was probably from joy: "so if i slap you right now, will you give me 5 dollars?"
jeremy insisted that with us being former EPS [that's earth and planetary sciences, for all you non-harvardians out there] nerds (and he currently works as a wind energy consultant), i had to see the columbia river gorge. so i curtailed my drinking on saturday night (it was chauncey's bday - i had one drink, then left) in order to get up at 7, to meet jeremy at 8am to go see the natural wonders of oregon. during the drive east, jeremy tells me that portland has one of the highest suicide rates in the country. this absolutely befuddles me, because he follows that up by saying that there are the most breweries and strip clubs per capita in the city as well. hmmm, if i'm depressed because it's so cloudy and dreary, why not go grab a cold beer and see some bare-chested ladies? i know that would certainly cheer me up. although i wouldn't be depressed by the rain, i'd actually enjoy it - since i'm a weather nut and all. anyway, we saw multiple, breathtaking waterfalls up close and personal. i saw some of the world's largest sturgeon in an exhibit and hiked several miles up a mountain to see a picturesque view of the gorge, as the columbia river snaked its way east, separating washington and oregon. and all this along the same stretch of I-84, and all before lunch and a two-show day. on our way back into the city, we stopped by burgerville, which is apparently portland's equivalent of california's in-n-out. tasty cherry milkshake, yummy tillamook cheese on my burger, northwest-grown potatoes - great way to close out my week. monday was a long travel day - portland to layover in oakland to orange county - which could only mean one thing. that's right, M Monday! mimosa monday has been expanded to include any drink that starts with an m: margaritas, mojitos, martinis - those all fit! we totally had burritos and margaritas at a mexican grill in the portland airport at 10am. sweet. we're in costa mesa for the next two weeks before we get two weeks off...before three weeks in tokyo! fun times ahead for sure - seeing the boys back in nyc, cinco de mayo debauchery ahead, a trip to atlantic city in the works on the 7th, mom's day in dc, etc. our time off will be hard-earned though. we've got today (tuesday) off, since it took a while for the trucks to drive down from portland. that means we have a show next monday, resulting in 16 shows in 12 consecutive days - and i'm conducting the last 9. off to enjoy my only completely free day in the oc...
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